Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
you didnt know i had herpes?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
