I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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