worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
