Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
