I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Randomize
