apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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