I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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