bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
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He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
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I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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