Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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