Can i not drive my cunt home
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I think we might need a safe word for this...
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
