Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
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