Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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