how can u be prego again
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
