i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
