im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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