yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
