remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
