you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
