You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
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