Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
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This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
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She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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