I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
