My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Randomize
