it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
