We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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