Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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