she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
