I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
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Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
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When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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