Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
