get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
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And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
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Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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