Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
