So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
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