After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
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But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
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He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.