Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
