he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
