Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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