You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
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The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
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Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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