is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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