This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
