Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
