Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
