I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
