can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
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