I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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