I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
what day is it and did you see me today?
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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