dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
