did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
