i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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