meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
This is not my ceiling
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
my liver is dry heaving
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
