i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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