Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
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I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
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Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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