do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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