until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
You are a booty call, not a friend.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
