Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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