I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
