btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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