Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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