I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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