Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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