he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
