We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I enjoy the company of your penis
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