rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
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