i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Randomize
