Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
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He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
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I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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